THE RELUCTANT FART: This is probably one of the oldest farts known to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is. It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day in some instances.
THE RUSTY GATE FART: The sound of this fart seems almost impossible for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make. The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.
THE S.B.D. FART: S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of identification with this one.
THE SANDPAPER FART: This one scratches. Otherwise it may not amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratchcrack Fart. Common.
THE SPLATTER FART: Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It is
the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a fart at all.
THE STUTTER FART: This is a very funny fart. It is a fart that can't seem to get going.The sound is best described as pt,pt,pt-pt,pt-pt-pt,pop,pop-pop-pop-POW! It is usually a forced-out far that gets caught crossways, as they say, and only gets farted after considerable effort.
THE HIC-HACHOO-FART FART: This is strictly an old lady's fart. What happens is that the person manages to hiccough, sneeze, and fart all at the same time. After an old lady farts a Hic-Hachoo-Fart Fart she will usually pat her chest and say, "My, my", or "Well, well". There is no reason she should not be proud, as this is probably as neat an old person's fart as there is.
THE TEFLON FART: Slips out without a sound and no strain at all. A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all. You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word.
If the wind is right he will never know.
THE THANK GOODNESS I'M ALONE FART: Everyone knows this rotten fart. You look around after you have farted and say "Thank Goodness I'm alone!" Then you get out of there.
THE TICKLE FART: A group one only and one of the easiest to identify. Usually a slow soft sort
of fart. If you like being tickled this is the fart for you.
THE UNDERWEAR RIPPER FART: Sound alone is diagnostic with this fart. It will usually happen when the person is sitting down. It is one of the longer farts. It will sound so much like a piece of cloth being ripped that it can fool a person sitting in the next room. Naturally it will not fool the farter. He will know he has not ripped his underwear. But right then he may not be too sure about anything else.
THE UP-TIGHT FART: This is a kind of drawn-out Sutter Fart except that this one squeaks. When he knows he has to fart, like it or not, he gets even more up-tight. He may snap his spincters shut like a steel trap, but out comes the fart. Squeak, squeak, squeak. It is embarrassing for everyone.
THE WHO CUT THE CHEEZE? FART: An easy identification with this one. Someone has got to say, “Who cut the cheeze?” when the fart is first noticed or it cannot be called a Who Cut The Cheeze? Fart. It may or may not have an odor like strong cheese, but it will have an odor.
THE YODEL FART: The Yodel Fart sounds like a fart whose voice is changing, or like a yodel.
It can be either a Swiss mountain yodeler type of yodel or an American cowboy singer type of yodel.
THE YO-YO FART: This is a spectacular fart. A real dilly. Sound alone identifies it. It makes the Octave Fart sound like a hiccough. It starts out on the highest fart note possible and goes all the way down to the lowest fart note possible. And then, to the amazement of everyone, it comes all
the way back up again. Extremely rare.
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